Including Partners in the Birth Process: Supportive Roles for Both Present and Deployed Partners

The birth of a child is a deeply transformative experience for both the birthing person and the partner. Whether physically present or deployed, partners often want to be involved in supporting their loved one through labor and delivery. However, the birth process can sometimes feel overwhelming for partners who aren’t sure how to help or who are not able to be there in person. This is where a doula can step in, offering valuable support not just to the birthing person but also to the partner, helping to ease their role while ensuring the birthing experience is as comfortable and empowered as possible.

Why Partner Involvement Matters

When partners are actively involved in the birth process, it can strengthen their emotional connection with both the birthing person and the baby. It allows them to share in this transformative experience, reducing anxiety and increasing confidence. However, the presence of a doula can amplify this support by guiding both the birthing person and their partner, offering knowledge, experience, and care that lightens the partner's emotional and physical load. This makes the process smoother for everyone involved.

Ways to Involve Partners in the Birth Process with Doula Support

1. Offer Physical Support

Partners can provide comfort measures like massages, applying pressure during contractions, or helping the birthing person change positions. However, these tasks can sometimes be physically exhausting or overwhelming. A doula can step in to demonstrate effective techniques or take over these tasks when the partner needs a break, allowing the partner to focus on emotional support and connection.

2. Emotional Support

Partners play a vital role in offering encouragement and reassurance. Yet, birth can be an emotional and intense experience for everyone involved. A doula helps keep the atmosphere calm and supportive, offering words of comfort and guiding partners in how they can best emotionally support the birthing person. Doulas also provide a calming presence for the partner, reminding them that they are not alone in supporting the birthing person.

3. Advocate for the Birth Plan

Sometimes labor doesn’t go exactly as planned, and medical decisions need to be made quickly. This can be a stressful situation for partners, especially if they feel unsure about what’s happening. Doulas can alleviate this pressure by helping to communicate the birth plan to healthcare providers, ensuring that both the partner and the birthing person’s wishes are respected. Doulas can explain medical options in real-time, allowing the partner to feel informed and confident in their role as an advocate.

4. Help with Breathing and Relaxation Techniques

While partners often assist with breathing exercises or relaxation techniques, they may not be sure how to do them effectively. A doula can guide both the birthing person and their partner through breathing exercises, helping them work together to manage contractions. This shared guidance helps the partner feel more capable and empowered during labor.

5. Stay Involved in Decision-Making

When partners feel overwhelmed by medical interventions or unexpected situations, a doula can offer reassurance and clarity. They can help partners understand what is happening and offer guidance on asking important questions. This helps the partner remain an active part of the decision-making process without feeling lost or uncertain.

6. Provide Breaks for the Partner

Labor can last for many hours, and supporting the birthing person can be both physically and emotionally draining for partners. A doula can give the partner permission to step away for a quick rest or a meal, knowing the birthing person will still be well-supported in their absence. This break allows the partner to return feeling refreshed and ready to continue offering support.

7. Document the Experience

If the partner wishes to document the birth experience but is also needed for emotional or physical support, a doula can assist by taking photos or videos during key moments. This frees the partner from juggling multiple responsibilities while ensuring that precious memories are captured.

Ideas for Including Deployed Partners with Doula Support

For military families, deployment can make it difficult for partners to be physically present at the birth. In these cases, a doula can play an even more significant role in supporting both the birthing person and the deployed partner. Here’s how:

1. Virtual Presence

If a deployed partner is able to join the birth virtually, a doula can help set up the technology, ensuring that the partner has a good view of the labor and delivery. They can also communicate with the deployed partner throughout labor, providing updates and offering ways they can still support the birthing person emotionally from afar.

2. Recorded Messages

If the partner is unable to be present during the birth, a doula can help coordinate the playing of recorded video or audio messages from the deployed partner at key moments. The doula can also help share updates and photographs with the partner after the birth, keeping them involved as much as possible.

3. Create a Special Memento

A doula can assist in creating a special keepsake for the baby or birthing person, whether it’s recording the first cry or capturing a photo of the baby with a gift from the deployed partner. This ensures the partner’s love and presence is felt, even if they can’t be there physically.

4. Advocate for the Partner’s Role

While a doula’s primary focus is the birthing person, they can also serve as a bridge between the birthing person and the deployed partner. They can ensure that the deployed partner’s wishes and input are honored during labor and delivery, whether it’s a specific song to play, a message to read, or a request for how they want to be involved post-birth.

Conclusion

Partner involvement during birth is a vital part of building a strong emotional connection and ensuring the birthing person feels fully supported. Whether the partner is present or deployed, a doula can help guide them through the process, offering expert support, reassurance, and practical assistance. Doulas not only support the birthing person, but they also alleviate the pressures on partners, allowing everyone to focus on the arrival of their baby. With a doula’s presence, the birth experience can be smoother and more empowering for both the birthing person and the partner, no matter the circumstances.